How to Talk About Estate Planning Without Ruining Thanksgiving Dinner

Thanksgiving is a favorite holiday for many Americans. It's a time to gather with loved ones, share a meal, and catch up with family members we may not see very often. But some conversations around the dinner table can be more difficult than others.

While it may be tempting to use this time together to discuss important matters like estate planning, bringing up topics such as death, incapacity, and inheritance isn't quite as simple as asking someone to pass the potatoes.

With a little preparation and the right approach, however, the holidays can provide a valuable opportunity to start conversations about the future.

Why Estate Planning Conversations Can Be Difficult

Estate planning can be an uncomfortable topic, even among close family members. Conversations about finances, healthcare decisions, and inheritance may bring up difficult emotions or differing expectations.

Parents may hesitate to discuss their plans because they don't want to create disagreements among their children. Adult children may avoid the subject because they don't want to appear overly concerned about their inheritance or pressure their parents into making decisions.

Even when everyone has good intentions, these conversations can become uncomfortable if they aren't approached thoughtfully. However, avoiding them altogether can leave loved ones uncertain about important wishes and responsibilities.

Prepare Before Gathering Around the Table

Just as Thanksgiving dinner requires preparation, important family conversations can benefit from a little planning ahead.

One step worth considering is scheduling an initial estate planning consultation before the holidays. Meeting with an estate planning attorney can help you better understand your options, identify important decisions, and determine which conversations may be helpful to have with family members.

For example, you may want to discuss who would be best suited to serve as your personal representative, trustee, or healthcare decision-maker. You might also have questions about passing along a family cabin, farm, or other property.

Having a better understanding of these considerations beforehand can help you approach family conversations with more confidence. It also gives you an opportunity to gather input from loved ones without feeling pressured to make every decision over Thanksgiving dinner.

Start the Conversation Without Making It the Main Event

Thanksgiving dinner probably isn't the best time to gather everyone around the table and announce that it's time to discuss your estate plan. Instead, look for natural opportunities to bring up the subject.

You might mention that you've recently met with an estate planning attorney or that you've started reviewing your plans for the future. Sharing that you've taken the first step can make the conversation feel less intimidating.

Rather than immediately discussing who will inherit certain assets, consider starting with broader questions about family priorities, responsibilities, and wishes.

For example, you might ask whether someone would feel comfortable serving as a healthcare decision-maker or helping manage important affairs if the need were to arise.

These conversations don't need to be lengthy or overly detailed. Sometimes simply opening the door to future discussions is enough.

Make the Most of Time Together

The holidays may be one of the few opportunities each year to gather with loved ones in person. While these moments can be valuable for discussing the future, it's important to respect that everyone has different comfort levels and timelines.

A conversation that begins over Thanksgiving may be better continued during a phone call or private meeting in the weeks that follow.

Taking steps toward your own estate plan before the holidays can also help you identify questions worth asking and decisions that may require input from family members.

At Wagner Oehler, Ltd., our attorneys help individuals and families navigate the estate planning process, from understanding their options to making decisions that reflect their wishes and goals.

Take the Next Step

If you're ready to start planning for the future, contact Wagner Oehler, Ltd. to schedule an initial estate planning consultation.

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